Saturday, October 17, 2009


Mood: fucking bored
Music: whack ass tunes. Please. Ear plugs.

The more you push me the more I'll pull back. I realized this he other
day when someone I know kept somewhat forcing their help on me. If
that's what they're doing, for some reason, and it's weird that I can
actually feel myself do it. I emotionally cut myself off from that
person for awhile. I become short and I purposely give clipped answers
don't ask my why i do it. i'm a psych major and i can't figure it out

And it's not even that I was pissed that they were offering to help.
It was more that I kind of pride myself on being fiercely independent.
I don't usually like to depend on people for things. When I have to,
it's usually forced by myself because I just need to get over my
neurosis. But it takes a lot.

And then like when I really needed the help, like with the condo. They
kept asking me, well when should we come over? and when can we help?
These are questions I can't answer. I am awful at delegation. Telling
people what to do for me is something I'm not good at. Not that I
don't think them capable of getting the job done, an it's not I can't
pass over control. I don't really like control. It makes me anxious.
But for my wedding for example. I ended up doing a lot of the stuff
mostly bc I couldn't tell people what to do. It's a character flaw
that I dislike in myself.

Meh... Anyways.. I'm at work. And I've been here since 330. Even
though I didn't need to even get there until 5. Bah!! I've been bored
all day. They have a keg that I'm pouring and they're still not
drinking. This is ridiculousness. I only have about a year or so left
on paying off my car. Now then, if only I wasn't working for my mom,
it'd be easier to quit after that.

Meh... I also hate when people bring their own alcohol. It pisses me
off so fucking much.

Val from IPhonezy
You moved the tea!!!!!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

i need to fuckin' rant.

Mood: so motherfuckin' irritated irritated
Music: the guys are changing our carpet.

ok.. let me start by saying.. casey.. i am not attacking you. just in case you feel that this post is about you.. it is not.

this has been one hell of a fuckin' week. and i apologize in advance for all the swearing, because i just can't contain myself right now and i feel like setting something on fire.

so, we moved into this condo. it's not new, but it is ours.. and we're making it ours. the carpet was fuckin' disgusting. it gave stewie fuckin' rashes all over his body. i wanted to cry for him. he's getting better but he's still scratching. it's so disgusting. when they started pulling the carpet up just now, all i could see was a fuckin' dust cloud of disgustingness entering the rest of the condo.. and my lungs.. so i opened the sliding door.. which is fuckin' broken. and a fuckin' fly flies in..

we got our sliding door and upstairs window changed out because the other frames were crap. the new ones look fuckin' sick! they're pretty. it changed the whole look of the place, actually. but.. they're just for decoration.. because the fuckin' sliding door won't keep anyone out.. it doesn't fuckin' lock. we noticed it last weekend. when i tried to lock it and the fuckin' thing just kept sliding open. it doesn't latch properly or whatever. so all week i've been calling the fuckin' jack mother fuckin' ass hole who owns the company that put them in about a month ago to send someone out to take a look at it.. and fuckin' fix it.. because essentially.. my fuckin' home is open all day, and things are just out there for the taking. i'm so fuckin' pissed. I want to fuckin' kick his mother fuckin' eye balls. He's such a fuckin' condescending piece of shit. i've called every day this week trying to get him to send someone. but i want him to call me before someone gets there, so that i have someone in my home while there are workers there. that makes sense, right?? well apparently not to this mother fucker. finally after taking, pretty much the entire day off of work yesterday because JackFuck was being incredibly vague on when someone would be able to come out and work on the door, i went home at 930.. i only worked 2 hours..

so 530 rolls around and i've been fuming for the better part of the day considering that JackFuck said someone would be there in the morning to look at it..

well guess the fuck what.. no one fuckin' came. so i call him again.. and he says ok he'll be there to look at it personally. he said he'd be there in an hour. i knew exactly what would happen. two motherfucking hours later.. the fuckin' asshole shows up to look at it.. i knew he going to just assess and then tell me he was going to send someone again the next morning.. like i believe the mother fucker. i just shrug my shoulders and shake my head a little like "sure i fuckin' believe you.. you've told me nothing but bullshit all damn week." he half assed apologized for someone not being able to come out and fix the door. and again i shrugged my shoulders like.. "you fuckin' suck at life.. just send someone and stop talking to me." and he has the nerve to tell me earlier this week that i should tell my friends about him because he'll give me a cash recommendation.. what the fuck ever.. like i want anyone in this fuckin' state to use you as a window contractor.. your fuckin' customer service is shittier than the fuckin' sewer system and you want me to send my friends to you.. he may not have face to save.. but i sure wouldn't put anyone else through this fuckin' hassle. especially not my friends..

so finally this morning, i call again and he knows who i am by now, the motherfucker. well i tell him that i still want someone to call me before the tech gets there so someone can be there while he works. and he said "whatever." "whatever?! that's how i feel." pause. "you need to call me before someone goes over there because i don't want someone in my house while i'm not there." "if they bother something i'll break their neck. i'm 240 lbs." what the fuck?! is he serious?? i don't give a fuck what you do to them after the fact. I DO NOT WANT SOMEONE IN THERE IF I'M NOT THERE. Jesus! is that difficult to understand? apparently for him it is. and he still never called.. and the carpet guys showed up and i'm still at work, so i had to take off of work to come here and there happens to be some workers from the JackFuckTard's company working on some windows down the walk way.. so i call up JackFuck himself and he tells me to ask one of those guys to help fix it.. So fuckin' easy, right?!? the worker came and fixed the panel in like 3 minutes.. you don't even understand how badly i want to swing a fuckin' bat at something right now.

and on top of that.. our tv downstairs broke, the motherboard or something blew out.. the tech for that is coming out tomorrow.. my dad and his friend are stopping by, any fuckin' minute now, i mean fuck, burger king really is only down the street.. what's taking them so fuckin' long?! they're going to look at the lighting, because we have a ceiling fan, track lighting and a vanity that need to go up... fuck this shit is getting out of fuckin' hand..

i really need to go to the batting cages or something.. or take up kenpo again and fuckin' kill a kick boxing bag..

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

new obsessions call for new blog headers

music: field of dreams just started..
mood: anxious anxious

dear journal,
feeling listless again today..

haha.. no i'm totally kidding.. if you've seen glee from last week.. you might find that funny.. anyway..

so.. lots of new things going on with valerie and casey. we just moved into our own condo! which is exciting. and intimidating. but mostly a lot of fun. but we just started out so, we'll see in a few months if we're still going strong, both financially and maritally. :P just kidding babe...

so.. we moved.. and we're still finishing up unpacking and i need to retouch paint here and there but it's looking hundreds times better than it did when we first started cleaning it up in the beginning of august. yes.. we've had the keys since about mid august and it took me and a team of highly motivated family members to help make it presentable. i'm deeply grateful.. they have no idea how much.

we also have a new obsession.. my new banner for example.. it's Glee!!!!! every wednesday and pretty much everyday in between i somehow have a glee fix.. it's such a fun show and the music is fantastic and the cast is sexy and they're all talented and it's just a lot of fun to watch.. plus.. you can never have too many one liners! jane lynch is a comedic genius.. she's evil and insane and it's wonderful.

so... i guess that wasn't that much that's been going on.. but i just wanted to show off a new banner.. :P


Thursday, August 13, 2009

i don't blog enough..

Mood: Thirsty thirsty i'm feeling rather parched..
Music: nada

so.. with new pics.. comes a new banner.. :P

but there are some more important things going on in my life.. like kc and i have officially become home owners!!!!

we won't move in for at least a few weeks.. it needs a lot of work.. well not a lot.. compared to the other DUMPS we looked at.. this one is in excellent condition in comparison.. but there are still things that need to be done to it so that it becomes our place..

we picked out colors for the bedroom and the bathroom.. now we need the kitchen and the living room.. plus we need to finish changing the locks and get a new sliding door and screen.. minor things..

i have our couch picked out and we bought our table from crate and barrel online the other day.. and that shit was $200 cheaper.. hell yes we're getting it!!

we'll change the carpet on the stairs after everything is moved in bc it's crappy now.. so why change it while it still can get trashed..

i'll have pictures up when the place is more presentable.. right now it's pretty bare.. and not clean yet..

so we'll see how it goes...

enjoy the banner of the adorable kStew and tLaut...

Saturday, July 11, 2009

such a busy week...

Mood: Hopeful hopeful
Music: oh! the microwave just went off! yum! corn dogs!

this week has been hectic.. i never have hectic weeks.. usually hectic for me is if i work at the hotel twice a week.. this week.. i've been on the go the whole time.

Monday, I went to the Giants game with the Ho, Cassie and Casey's mom. it was fun, i love those seats.. btw.. happy birthday baby J.

Tuesday, was our two year wedding anniversary.. so we went out on a date. reservation was at 730.. we were seated and already getting our appetizer at like 732.. how awesome is that!? we made it home by 930.. really good food too.. kc was a happy boy.. he's been talking about that restaurant since last april.

Wednesday, we went to look at a townhouse with our realtor and decided that we liked it. so we wrote out an offer for it and now we're waiting to hear back from the bank. they said it looks like we could be closing in the next few weeks.. but i've heard that before.. and i hate when i get my hopes up and they get shattered.. especially for this.. i need this house more than i need a baby right now. let that convey how much i need our own place. then we had to book it back home because kc was already late for his Junior Giants baseball practice where he coaches the kids.. it's like bad news bears minus the grumpy coach. meanwhile, i had to get ready to go out to dinner with kristin, meesh, and katie mehrhoff since she's in town being smart and whatnot over in berkeley. we had dinner in san francisco at Blowfish, this really yummy sushi restaurant.. then i came home.. 930 again, i believe..

Thursday, working in the morning, working at night.. and i never did get my damn fruit and yogurt parfait that i'd been craving all day.. :(

Friday, my one day to chill out at home, instead i decided that i'd take stewie to kc's baseball practice.. stewie loved it.. made lots of new friends, because he is the absolute gentlest puppy in the entire universe and just wants to be petted.. even though he's a hot mess when he goes outside bc he's all covered in dirt and muck..

which brings me to Saturday, i woke up at about 8 ish.. had an hour long text converstation with jd. she scared the shit out of my by making my brain think it was still friday and that i was late for work.. but my brain caught up and realized i don't have to be at the hotel until 1230.. but kc wanted me to go into costco to buy some stuffs.. so.. here i am.. i have to be at work in an hour.. i was gonna straighten my hair, but decided i'll do it before i go back into the hotel at 4pm for a polynesian party tonight that is ONLY serving hors d'oeuvres, but they're still having a bar.. lord, give me strength..

ok.. i am so sleeping until noon tomorrow.

peace out!

Monday, June 22, 2009

iphone 3g S - 3 strikes, you're out..

mood: tired tired
music: none, it's 1231 am.. kc's going to wake up in 30 minutes to go to work..

so... i've tried three times to buy the new iphone without success.. is the universe telling me that i should hold off on buying it??

i reserved my iphone for friday and i was going to go on my lunch break to pick it up.. but i had to work through lunch and couldn't even go after work because i had to head to my second job. [ strike one ]

i went out of town on saturday to my husband's family's reunion/grad party for his cousin. we didn't get back until 11pm..

this morning, sunday, i went to at&t and they didn't have them in stock. but i can order it and have it delivered to the house.. [ strike two ]

since it was still just 11 am this morning i went to the apple store at the mall in san francisco.. going through the whole process and practically having my credit card out ready to pay, it all came to a screeching halt when i needed the primary name on the account to sign for it, which is my sister.. i don't understand why, since it's family plan and i've been paying for my own since 2003.. [ strike three ] oh well.. and i'm not really even pissed that i didn't get the phone. i'm pissed at apple for having the stupid rule that you have to have the primary person there with you to purchase the phone. it makes absolutely NO SENSE to me..

so yeah.. and i don't know if it's in my head or whatever, but i swear my phone has been acting all wonky since the new phones started selling..

i'm so tired.. i'm going to sleeps..

correction.. it's 1254.. kc's alarm already went off once.. why am i still awake??

Thursday, May 21, 2009

2 days late.. so sue me..

mood: frackin' tired..
music: i keep singing On My Own in my head because of GLEE.

so yeah.. nothing.. absolutely NOTHING new with me.. it's disappointing really. jd can attest to the fact that the only things that have been happening to me lately have been in my dreams.. and even then, they're more nightmares than anything.

i don't have anything really to blog about except that the new moon poster is super sexy as are the people on it.. and i am brimming with jealousy people at the cannes film festival in france got to see a preview of the movie..

but never fear, at the MTV movie awards next week they'll probably be showing the same clip. i'm not so sure i wanna see it.. last go around with twilight i knew practically everything before it was happening.. even the stuff that strayed from the book.

supposedly new moon is going to be more haunting as it should be.. i already know way too much about the differences that i'd like to.. but yeah.. i'm whining..

miss you girls..

Monday, May 18, 2009

new banner..

and i'll post a new blog tomorrow.. not like anyone is really interested.. :)

Friday, April 3, 2009

it's about damn time!!!

mood: lazy lazy
music: no music.. just casey sleepin' beside me

let's see if i can get this posted.. since internet at kc's house is horrific.. it freakin keeps cutting out..

anyways.. so... kelly's new album came out.. and as you can see by my new banner.. it's so good! seriously! some good stuff on here! it's rare that i can find an entire album that i don't mind listening to. no doubt had a cd like that i think it was return of saturn, you'd think i'd know it off the top of my head.. but still so yeah.. great freakin' album she's coming back with a vengeance and it's going to be fantastic!!

and oh yeah.. i went to a REALLY small town named forks and for being such a small town.. it's incredibly known throughout this little fandom called twilight.. you guys may have heard of it before.. hmm?? well.. i got some pics up here.. and on my facebook but i thought i'd post some just to show off my amazing "extended arm self portraits.." :) btw.. just to let you know.. there is a picture at the end that might not be appropriate for work.. it's not INCREDIBLY grotesque.. but it makes me giggle.. just a warning.. :) ok.. onward!

longest 50 miles EVER btw... i swear, when bella talks about the drive from port angeles to forks.. she's not kidding.. it's pretty much NOTHING...

hallelujah we made it!!!

our twilight room.. :) don't be jealous.. i would have preferred an Emmett room, but that's just me..

i had just got done telling my cousins and their friend how i have this aversion to onions, tomatoes and cilantro because they were making fun of the way i dip my chips into salsa.. which is like just the very corner of the chip so that all i get is the "juice" of the salsa, you know.. well i guess they thought that i said "i absolutely love everything about salsa.. gimme more onions, tomatoes and especially cilantro!!!!!!!" D: so they ordered pico de gallo, and i was like.. oh, i thought that was a kind of salsa.. maybe i've been wrong all this time and i might actually be able to eat some.. uh.. no. it is exactly the manifestation of all that is evil to me.. and to top it all off... the restaurant chops up jalapenos and tosses those into the disaster as well.. what the hell!?!?!? i couldn't help but laugh my head off because i was like.. "what on earth would make you think that i'd want to eat that if i'm dipping just the very corner of my chip into the salsa so i don't get anything on it?!?!?" incredulous.. :)

don't make fun of my faces.. it's been a very long day and an incredibly freezin' night..

this is Second Beach. we must have passed right by first beach because i didn't even see a sign for it!

La Push it! La Push it real good!
yeah.. umm.. i found a driftwood that looked like a thingy..


so there is my trip..

i'm really sorry the pictures are so massive.. i just took the html links.. and didn't bother resizing.. please forgive the laziness.. remember up there.. it says i'm lazy. :)

Nevermind.. i figured out how to change them. right on!

missed you guys.. wish you all could have come with...

Monday, March 9, 2009

Guess who's back... back again...

mood:crazy Crazy Happy!!!
music: KELLY!!!!

oh yes.. oh yes... my birthday is early this year!!! kelly clarkson is releasing her new album tomorrow and my goodness gracious i'm about as excited as i was for my wedding!! seriously! a great day in my life..

there was an internet leak, and let me tell you how proud how i am of myself for not caving and downloading it before it was released.. i feel like such a strong fan! AHAHAHHA...

but i come bearing gifts.. because my world consists of casey.. kelly clarkson and twilight.. so i have 2 of those worlds colliding in two different videos!!


i love her.. and i love twilight.. oh and i love casey also.

go get her new album because most of you are from texas.. bwahahahaha....

ok.. back to my corner..

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

overwhlemed for the underwhelming...

mood: frustrated frustrated
music: Kelly Clarkson - Sober

it's really irritating feeling like the weak link in your marriage. Casey is pretty much an all around better person than I am. He's more goal oriented and directional whereas I am cluttered and floating through my days with one thing in mind.. to go home and try and catch up on sleep. Really... when I'm not thinking about Casey.. I'm pretty much thinking about how much I'd love to be in bed, sleeping. It's pretty sad. But I could go on and on about how much better at life Casey is than me, but really.. i don't wish to depress myself further..

We are about 70% on our way to buying our own condo. I don't even know where my mind was the first 65% of the process. Granted we did only start looking with this new realtor less than a month ago. Like the week before the Superbowl. And now we're already almost ready to sign the papers for the deed. It's insanity. It took us almost a year with our other realtor to even get this close. (And for something only half as good as this one.) And then on the last leg of the process we balked and backed out because they were trying to bully us into buying something that wasn't worth what we were going to pay in the end.

Anyway.. so the thing is.. and it's totally changeable.. is that I have been ZERO help with Casey in doing the stuff that needs to be done for this whole thing. I feel like I was only there to sign the check, which is even more laughable, because it's not even my money, mostly. once again, he's better at saving than I am. But I'm supposed to be part of these decisions, and i don't even know what the fuck we're deciding for. I don't feel like i'm keeping up the slack on my side..

I don't know the real reason for this post. Maybe it was just because i said i would post a new header when i posted a new entry.. but i think there was a deeping reason for it.

i'm sorry i'm not doing a very good job at marriage baby....

also.. i kind of want to apologize for my last entry and the hissy fit i was having when i posted it. :) that definitely backfired.. because when i post entries on here.. i have casey's email address listed for alert! yikes! so yeah.. not that he couldn't tell that i was pissed because he was sitting at the table behind me.. but he read that i called his a bastard prick and that's just not nice.. completely justified at the time of said hissy fit.. but i prefer softer terms of endearment. :) i really do love you.. sorry about that.....


Thursday, February 19, 2009

sometimes.... you feel like a nut..

Mood: cranky cranky
Music: i'm whistling the same inane notes over and over... bc it bothers people sometimes.. and that's what kind of mood in..


sometimes i just need : piss someone off like they piss me off.

somtimes i want : to punch the fuckin' wall.

somtimes i like to : just be annoying as fuck.. because i'm petulant like that.

sometimes all it takes : is one line to really piss me the fuck off.

somtimes i picture : grinning like a fool while everyone around me is grumpy and pissy.

sometimes i wish : i didn't have such a short fuse.. but what kind of fun would that be.

sometimes i find : that i am immature.. and sometimes it doesn't bother me.

sometimes i take : a deep breath.. even though it doesn't help.

sometimes i look: happy.

sometimes i hate: myself.. for hating other people, which then pisses me off.

sometimes it’s nice: to pretend like you're doing alright.. .

sometimes it hurts: when people are fuckin'g bastard pricks..

sometimes it makes me happy : no.. i can't find anything for that right now..

sometimes it’s sad: i'm in this kind of mood.

sometimes i listen : to music too loud to drown out anger.

sometimes i sleep: angry.

sometimes i like to watch : things on youtube to make me laugh.

sometimes i feel: happy.. but right now i'm fuckin' pissed the fuck off..

sometimes i rant: when i'm pissed off.. can you tell??

sometimes i never: want to leave the house.

sometimes i really: to just start my life.

When I’m .....

sad, i want: a drink

happy, i need: to cry

mad, i wish: i had a punching bag

overjoyed, i find: fault in things, still..

indifferent, i like to: try and sleep it off

content, i never: want it to go away.

frustrated, all it takes: a word from the only person that makes me happy to drive me over the edge.. then i'm alone in the world..

If you had the choice of going back in time to or go forward in time to see the future, which would you choose?
i wouldn't.. what's happened in the past has molded to be who i am and the way i see things.. i can't change who i am.. i can only change what i'll be. and right now... i want to NOT be pissed the fuck off...


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

let's play blog tag..

Mood: giggly giggly
Music: kings of leon - taper jean girl

i've been tasered.. i mean.. tagged.. by kellianne..

i'm gonna post 10 honest/hecka random/facts about me! i know.. you all can hardly contain your excitement!

and away we go...

1. i can listen to any one song over and over and over for any extended period of time without getting sick of it.. same goes with movies.

2. my baby brother, no matter how much of a pain in the ass he is, is the glue that holds my family together. without him, we would have imploded... but since we needed to all work around being home with him..

3. kc is the best guy i've ever met.. really..

4. kelly clarkson is my absolute favorite.. ever..

5. i have dropped my iphone more times that i can count.. and it saddens me.

6. i miss having friends that i can hang out with with just a phone call. we all live too far.. it's hard to believe that i miss texas, when i was so adament about getting back to california..

7. at any given time, i can have more than $700 worth of apple products on my person. iphone, nanos, and kc's mom's ipod.. it's sickening..

8. stewie needs a haircut so freakin' bad!!!

9. i like to carry stewie around like a baby.. i won't comment further on it..

10. i like to cook... if only i had my own kitchen.. :(

okey dokes.. tag yourself! i mean.. ok.. katie.. kristen.. jd.. danni already did it.. kluv tagged me.. anne.. joh.. leandra.. gimme your fun facts!

happy birthday casey baby!!!

and... because even if you've seen the red carpet interviews.. this one is unlike any you've ever watched.. twilighters at their best!! LOL FOREVER!!!!

Happy Birthday, Baby Love

Mood: happy happy
Music: Maroon 5 - Little Of Your Time

this is for my CaseyLove.. today is his birthday. and we're apart.. no on tuesdays i go to my parents house to watch my little brother. it's a new routine that my family has acclimated themselves with. long story. not important.

so, since we're not really doing anything for kc's birthday until this saturday.. valentine's day, i came down here. his family is coming over this weekend. so i guess we'll celebrate some kind of valentine's day before or after.. obviously.

but.. as you can see.. i have a new banner.. it's from stewie.. he's so creative.. for having huge eyes and no thumbs.. pretty talented for a dog. for a human, it's mediocre.. but it's the thought.. right??

so yeah.. basically... i wanted to post about my husband.. because he is the man in my life.. and he makes me happy.. i wish we could have done something for your birthday, baby boy.

there's always next week i guess.. or after may.. when we're both not p90x-ing.

love.. with all my heart..

Friday, February 6, 2009

procrastinating p90x

mood: lazy lazy
music: none, because i'm too lazy to plug my ipod on it's dock..

but apparently not lazy enough to post! go figure..

i hate it.. there.. i said it.. i. hate. p. 90. x. yeah yeah yeah.. jd said to keep with it. and i intend to.. but that doesn't mean that i won't gripe about it. even if i do show results.. which i'm not yet.. of course, since i've half assed all the workouts this week. give me a break. i went from being an absolute slug to trying to keep up with this extreme ass work out.. it might turn into p120x. we'll see if i have the drive to keep up with it for 4 months.. meh.. who knows..

so anyway.. i've decided, that whenever i post an entry from my laptop i'm going to also change my header.. because i'm ADD like that.. (no offense to anyone that suffers from it.. promise.. ) i have commitment issues with looking at the same header everytime after a new post.. i'm weird.. i know this.

so yeah.. tgi-m-effing-f, i have to work all weekend.. which is a good thing.. or else my car would go unpaid and it'd get repossessed. and we don't want that. uh uh. no we don't. can you tell i'm stalling?? no.. ok.. i'll be a little more obvious....

i don't want to work out.. AT ALL. how was that?? and who am i talking to when i address the reader personally?? weird, eh?? meh..

so yeah.. i hope you enjoy the new header.. even though i know i'll be the only one staring at it for minutes at a time.. :) it's how i spend my free time..

i think that's it.. kc just worked out.. and in a month he is already starting to show results.. you'd think that would motivate me to get sexy.. but.... ok a little.. but not enough to get out of this warm bed, because yes.. i come home, change into shorts and crawl into my king size bed with the electric blanket on and cruise the internet for new twilight crap. this is the culmination of my day. exciting isn't it?? i know.. i wish there were more Me's in this world too...

ok.. snarkiness over.. i'm going to go do some shadow boxing.. i was thinking i'd like to take up kick boxing.. that'd be a good way to work out, be sexy, and learn to defend myself, all in the same class! neat, eh?! we'll see if i'd ever follow through on that plan!

wow.. i'm just a ball of contradictions.. i'm out of here before i get really depressed..

have a suavtastic evening. hahahaa..

Monday, February 2, 2009

what was i thinking...... ?

mood: intimidated intimidated
music: Sia - Breathe Me

i'll come right out and say it... i have body image issues.. pretty much for forever. i just didn't realize it until the end of middle school. and ended up struggling with it ever since it was introduced to the forefront of my mind. never in my life have i been comfortable in my own skin. i'm clumsy and awkward and all around round.. (hehe) this isn't an entry fishing for compliments.. i don't want them. i'm not gracious at accepting them either.. they make me uncomfortable. so....

sunday, february 1st, 2009.. i started p90x... it is this fuckin' intense ass extreme work out that will pretty much kill me. but hopefully at the end of 90 days.. i'll be able to see in myself what casey sees.. i'm not doing entirely for him.. although.. he and his brother are doing the program as well.. and i figure.. why not try it as well.. if casey is going to get sexy for me.. the least i can do is try and be sexy for him, right?? in my own eyes, anyway.. and i'm not trying to become a twig.. because let's face it.. i think my bone mass is wider than some of my friends' bodies bundled up for winter, ya know? anyway. tee hee.. "i'm not fat, i'm just big boned." bwahahaha..

but yeah.. so.. today was the 2nd day.. and it was plyometrics.. and yeah.. it fuckin' kicked my ass.. i didn't even finish the whole hour because.. YES! you guessed it.. i almost fuckin' passed out!! what the fuck?! softball girls.. you remember.. my first practice of both seasons.. "what the hell val?? why do you keep passing out!?!? what's wrong with this ho?!" umm.. yeah.. i don't know what's up with that.. but hopefully after a week or two.. i'll be able to get through the entire plyometric work out without having to stop to let my brain catch up with my body.. because it feels like my brain detaches when i start to get fuzzy and pass out...

so yeah.. that's the haps going on right now.. we'll see how i'm doing by the end of the month. i hope i can hang.. if only for the sole purpose of saying.. yeah.. i did that.. and umm.. yeah... results would be good too..

we. will. see....

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

WTF are you looking at?!

mood: bitchy annoyed
music: Huey Lewis - It's Alright (heh.. that's ironic)

so.. kellianne stole my thunder a little.. but that's alright.. i'm going to post my pet peeve anyway.. beware.. i'm vulgar in this one..

i have this thing.. i get unreasonably irritated at things that shouldn't illicit that much energy out of me.. but i do it, regardless.. that being said.. i abso-fuckin-lutely HATE when people stare. and i'm not talking about just looking at someone.. i'm talking about fuckin' staring. the "i don't know you, but i'm staring anyway" stare.. and if you know me.. i'm nothing special to stare at.. there's no distinct qualities about me that would make someone feel the need to stare or look for longer than a glance.. especially at 730 in the fuckin' morning on a tuesday.

anyway, so to get into the parking lot of the building that i work at, you have to make a u turn. well this tricked out civic is in front of me.. makes a u turn.. no big deal right?? it is if you make the fuckin' u turn from the far right lane.. fuckin' nimrod! so i'm sitting there like.. what the fuck?? you do not need that much room to make a u turn.. i can make a u turn hugging the center island.. whatever.. so i look over at the fucktard that made the fucktarded u turn and he's fuckin' staring at me.. in his car.. while he's turning.. ummm.. ok.

i'm like.. what the fuck ever weirdo.. and so of course.. he's going into the same parking lot as me.. and not only that.. he picks the spot that i usually take.. so i take one a few spaces down right. and i'm taking my time getting my shit together, purse, sweater, bag of chips that kc's mom asked me to bring in, you know.. essentials. well, i look up out of my windshield.. and the civic fucktard is standing out in front of his car and he's just watching me get my shit.. and by this point i've already lost my patience with the idiot because he made a fuckin' u turn from the far right lane.. honestly!! who taught this dimwit how to drive?! but i digress.. so.. i'm trying to make myself not give this guy the flaming bitch face from hell. but it's very difficult, because as i walk to the door, which is only like 20 feet away, he's fuckin' watching me the whole time!?! seriously, who is this creep?!
so right before i get into the building i turn slightly and give the motherfucker a scathing bitch face that says 'what the fuck are you looking at?!?' .. and shake my head and roll my eyes.. and so that kinda got me in a bad mood.. which i know.. is more pathetic on my part than on the creepo that was freakin' me the fuck out.. it could have been innocent.. it could have been nothing.. either way.. it kinda pissed me off.. and to that i say...

i feel better now. :)

and.. apologies for offending anyone with my crass language.. i feel the point of my peeve could not have been expressed fully without them.

JD.. Stop laughing.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

explique por favor....

Mood: awake awake.. when i should be sleeping....

maybe you guys might not need it.. the handful of you that actually read my blog.. but i'll give it to you anyway..

my new header.. which i am in freakin' love with.. but really i change it so often.. i think i have committment issues... hehe.. get it.. yeah.. so anyway..

the line is from Billy Madison.. and i apologize for the hideous dog at the end of the clip.. i really don't know what some people are thinking.. awful..

hehe.. adam sandler is a genius.. i saw a commercial for Billy Madison a few weeks ago.. maybe a week ago.. and told jd.. I HAVE TO MAKE A HEADER OR SOMETHING OUT OF THAT LINE!!!!

then the search was on to find the right pictures... there were a few.. but i think this one was probably the best of the other headers i made.. i giggle at myself for not having a life.. it's just something i've come to terms with.

so yeah.. enjoy your day. :) i've been away since casey left for work at 315am.. and it's now almost 6.. which means i have to start snoozing through my alarms anyways.. i have to be at work in an hour and a half.. i'm undecided if i should lay in bed and try and catch a few minutes of sleep or if i should just get up and start the day... tough one... my bed is so warm.. i think i'm going to stay.. :P

ok bye..

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Mood: nostalgic Nostalgic

just freakin' watch it.. and you'll cry and want to call all of your friends and tell them how much you love them!!

love you girls..

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Mood: full full

so.. just typing an entry for the sake of typing.. you think that's lame.. but i really love typing. it's not as easy on an iphone, so i took some time away from constantly checking to see if stories have been updated and if there is anything new on the news front for twilight and their stars and endlessly checking my email, even though i never have anything new.

this is just a post of me rambling.. (but really what entry do i have that actually has purpose and isn't me rambling about one thing or another??) you know.. mental health and whatnot.. some psychology major i am, right??

they are doing inventory at costco, so casey has been working all kinds of odd hours and this week i've hardly had time to see him. he started this workout regimen called p90x or something and it's this crazy heavy duty workout for 90 minutes for 90 days .. and he started it on jan 1st.. i can already see a change.. which is just incredible and completely disgusting at the same time.. incredible because wow.. it's only been like 2 weeks and he's already losing whatever little chub he had.. and his arms are getting bigger.. and you know i love me some strong arms.. and really it's only disgusting because i have zero ambition to start the work out (or a fraction of the workout) myself. which is why casey will now be referred to as "the ripped guy with the big girl wife." affectionately, of course. there's no use in denying what i am.

no really.. i should try and do something instead of either reading on the internet or reading in a book.. both of which are great hobbies.. but both are obviously not physically strenuous.. unless you count my eyes going fuzzy every now and then.. i should wear my glasses more often.. anyway.. so yeah..

i leave you with this.. because stewie looking out of my car window is probably one of the ugliest/funniest things i've ever seen..