Friday, May 23, 2008

they're trying to take away my Twilight glow...

you know.. it's a very unsettling feeling to eat lunch with a group from work and they have known your husband longer than you have. that's what i get for working with casey's mom. and since they're all so close to marlene (casey's mom) they think it's just peachy to be so candid about things regarding casey and i.... with me sitting at the table.. wanting desperately to melt into a puddle and flow the hell out of dodge!!!

i say this, because today happened to be the most straightforwardly awkward conversation that i've had with these ladies to date. and i've been working there for a year and a half.

everytime we have lunch with them, which is most of the time chinese food... we get the fortune cookies afterwards.. well, of course.. i could bet my paycheck that someone is going to get one of those "something happy will happen to someone close to you" or "good news will be given to you in the next few months.." or something else completely ambiguous.. and of course without fail.. they look to me and ask... "val.. do you have something to tell us??" and i want to say something shocking and crazy.. but i can never come up with anything.. which just kills me.. because i love quips. they make life's boring moments interesting.

anyway, so today we went to chili's for lunch.. i know, right.. yay.. no fortune cookies to taunt and torment valerie with... oh no.. these ladies are good.. they can bring up the conversation without those incriminating little pieces of papers to crush me with. today was based on my bracelets.. you know... the thin black bracelets that rockers and emo people wear.. well.. i have a bunch on each wrist... they decided to give these bracelets meaning saying that that was how many times casey and i have had sex.. and then they changed it to the different positions we have done it in. and then they changed it again to the different positions on one wrist and the other wrist signified how many months.. or some crap.. it wasn't even making any sense by this point. and they were sober.... and i'm just sitting there.. besides casey's mom, mind you.. and she covers my ears like i'm not supposed to be hearing this crap.. and i shook her hands off and said.. "i think it's your ears that should be covered."

and then they started in on how when casey and i had first started going out they always used to ask marlene if we were having sex.. like everyday they asked her. and marlene would say, "i dont' know, they're always downstairs.." OF ALL THINGS TO SAY?!?! that set them off into another line of dialogue where i just wanted to walk away. which i desperately wanted to do. i don't talk about your sex life.. please don't bring mine up without me starting the conversation..

bah!!! and please oh please.. stop with the passive aggressive baby talk.. i'll explain what i mean..

marlene and i will be walking through Target or another kind of department store and stumble into the baby clothes.. SOMEHOW... and she's like "ooohh.. that's so cute.. gah! i can't wait.. but i'll be patient.. " like you have a fuckin' choice.. i'm tempted to hide my pregnancy from them for the first 6 months.. see if they notice.. she does it all the time.. it makes me crazy.. i wonder what would happen if it turned out that i couldn't have kids. i guess all these uncomfortable conversations would be pretty taboo then. sometimes i just want to say.. "when casey and i get pregnant.. you're eighteenth in line to know." is that harsh?? i kind of just want to get my point across that it's not something that i want to talk about. the couple next door, who got married a week after casey and i, just had their first baby. timing was all right with them. just around their 10 month anniversary they have a kid.. i wonder if casey's mom is like.. "what's taking them so long??" like our purpose for getting married was to get her a grandchild..

today again, at lunch.. before all the casey and val sex talk happened.. there was this baby crying throughout the whole lunch.. and people were getting mad and stuff and giving dirty looks at the people with the baby like they purposely brought the kid there to ruin your lunch at chili's.. get a life.. anyway.. so.. after about 40 minutes of the baby just crying crying crying... it finally subsides a little because someone finally decides to pick the baby up and kind of rock it a little.. well.. casey's mom sees this and she goes "i'll hold the baby when you're eating." i didn't even look up from my salad and said "what baby?" not really a question.. but i don't think they understood my snarkiness.. she says "no later..." and i'm like.. "later today?" obviously being dense.. hoping against hope that it would drop the subject.. but they just saw it as an opportunity to start up again... the only thing i can do is roll my eyes to myself or put my face in my hands.. trying to fight back tears.. because like Bella.. my anger brings on tears.. and it is embarrassing.. bah.. actually as i willingly relive this painful hour.. i think this freakin' conversation that brought on the whole "are they having sex??" story from when we were still dating..

i guess i could take it two ways.. either they are unnaturally interested in our sex life.. which is just disturbing on levels that i care not to explore.. or i've been accepted into their little "club" and should be happy that they don't talk shit about me behind my back..

it's a toss up right now.. and possibly both..

thank goodness for the long weekend though.. now i only have to dodge casey's mom as often as possible and my weekend will be alright. i see more of her than i do of casey..

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Moonlighting as a Twilighter...

so.. i have this friend (JD!) and she told me about this book (Twilight!) and now I have a new obsession (Thanky!)!

I read through this faster than even JD did and it's probably because i have a non existent social life and all i did for 6 days was eat, sleep, and breathe Twilight. Poor Casey... he never even saw me last week!

Six days.. over 1600 pages.. and I don't say this to brag, although i'm pretty proud of myself for reading so fast and still understanding the story. that has never happened before! i read through three books in 6 days.. that's obvious craziness. and absolute obsession!

August can't get here fast enough for Breaking Dawn to come out.

And then December can't get here fast enough for the Twilight movie to be released.. which is going to be FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!

ok.. i'm done being all FanGirly..

love you girls..

** Speaking of Twilight.. look at what this uncharacteristically clear night in the Peninsula gave to me tonight.. :)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Happy Birthday Lindsey

today.... not such a good day. it wasn't as effectual to me as it had to have been for lindsey's family. today.. lindsey would have turned 20. not so much of a milestone but at the same time, for someone who is no longer physically with us.. such a huge marker in life..

casey's mom was pretty bad today. she cried a lot at work today. and i didn't know what to do. i'm not comfortable with the comforting thing. only with a few people.. and i'm not very good at it. i kind of just gave her her space. i didn't want to say the wrong thing because there just isn't anything to say.

so.. really.. just wanted to wish Lindsey a Happy Birthday. I hope she's happy where ever she is.. and i can tell she watches over her family. and it's good for them. they need help through everything. especially on days like today.

love you girls...