music: Kelly Clarkson - Sober
it's really irritating feeling like the weak link in your marriage. Casey is pretty much an all around better person than I am. He's more goal oriented and directional whereas I am cluttered and floating through my days with one thing in mind.. to go home and try and catch up on sleep. Really... when I'm not thinking about Casey.. I'm pretty much thinking about how much I'd love to be in bed, sleeping. It's pretty sad. But I could go on and on about how much better at life Casey is than me, but really.. i don't wish to depress myself further..
We are about 70% on our way to buying our own condo. I don't even know where my mind was the first 65% of the process. Granted we did only start looking with this new realtor less than a month ago. Like the week before the Superbowl. And now we're already almost ready to sign the papers for the deed. It's insanity. It took us almost a year with our other realtor to even get this close. (And for something only half as good as this one.) And then on the last leg of the process we balked and backed out because they were trying to bully us into buying something that wasn't worth what we were going to pay in the end.
Anyway.. so the thing is.. and it's totally changeable.. is that I have been ZERO help with Casey in doing the stuff that needs to be done for this whole thing. I feel like I was only there to sign the check, which is even more laughable, because it's not even my money, mostly. once again, he's better at saving than I am. But I'm supposed to be part of these decisions, and i don't even know what the fuck we're deciding for. I don't feel like i'm keeping up the slack on my side..
I don't know the real reason for this post. Maybe it was just because i said i would post a new header when i posted a new entry.. but i think there was a deeping reason for it.
i'm sorry i'm not doing a very good job at marriage baby....
also.. i kind of want to apologize for my last entry and the hissy fit i was having when i posted it. :) that definitely backfired.. because when i post entries on here.. i have casey's email address listed for alert! yikes! so yeah.. not that he couldn't tell that i was pissed because he was sitting at the table behind me.. but he read that i called his a bastard prick and that's just not nice.. completely justified at the time of said hissy fit.. but i prefer softer terms of endearment. :) i really do love you.. sorry about that.....