what was i thinking...... ?

mood: intimidated
music: Sia - Breathe Me

i'll come right out and say it... i have body image issues.. pretty much for forever. i just didn't realize it until the end of middle school. and ended up struggling with it ever since it was introduced to the forefront of my mind. never in my life have i been comfortable in my own skin. i'm clumsy and awkward and all around round.. (hehe) this isn't an entry fishing for compliments.. i don't want them. i'm not gracious at accepting them either.. they make me uncomfortable. so....

sunday, february 1st, 2009.. i started p90x... it is this fuckin' intense ass extreme work out that will pretty much kill me. but hopefully at the end of 90 days.. i'll be able to see in myself what casey sees.. i'm not doing entirely for him.. although.. he and his brother are doing the program as well.. and i figure.. why not try it as well.. if casey is going to get sexy for me.. the least i can do is try and be sexy for him, right?? in my own eyes, anyway.. and i'm not trying to become a twig.. because let's face it.. i think my bone mass is wider than some of my friends' bodies bundled up for winter, ya know? anyway. tee hee.. "i'm not fat, i'm just big boned." bwahahaha..

but yeah.. so.. today was the 2nd day.. and it was plyometrics.. and yeah.. it fuckin' kicked my ass.. i didn't even finish the whole hour because.. YES! you guessed it.. i almost fuckin' passed out!! what the fuck?! softball girls.. you remember.. my first practice of both seasons.. "what the hell val?? why do you keep passing out!?!? what's wrong with this ho?!" umm.. yeah.. i don't know what's up with that.. but hopefully after a week or two.. i'll be able to get through the entire plyometric work out without having to stop to let my brain catch up with my body.. because it feels like my brain detaches when i start to get fuzzy and pass out...

so yeah.. that's the haps going on right now.. we'll see how i'm doing by the end of the month. i hope i can hang.. if only for the sole purpose of saying.. yeah.. i did that.. and umm.. yeah... results would be good too..

we. will. see....

WTF are you looking at?!

mood: annoyed
music: Huey Lewis - It's Alright (heh.. that's ironic)

so.. kellianne stole my thunder a little.. but that's alright.. i'm going to post my pet peeve anyway.. beware.. i'm vulgar in this one..

i have this thing.. i get unreasonably irritated at things that shouldn't illicit that much energy out of me.. but i do it, regardless.. that being said.. i abso-fuckin-lutely HATE when people stare. and i'm not talking about just looking at someone.. i'm talking about fuckin' staring. the "i don't know you, but i'm staring anyway" stare.. and if you know me.. i'm nothing special to stare at.. there's no distinct qualities about me that would make someone feel the need to stare or look for longer than a glance.. especially at 730 in the fuckin' morning on a tuesday.

anyway, so to get into the parking lot of the building that i work at, you have to make a u turn. well this tricked out civic is in front of me.. makes a u turn.. no big deal right?? it is if you make the fuckin' u turn from the far right lane.. fuckin' nimrod! so i'm sitting there like.. what the fuck?? you do not need that much room to make a u turn.. i can make a u turn hugging the center island.. whatever.. so i look over at the fucktard that made the fucktarded u turn and he's fuckin' staring at me.. in his car.. while he's turning.. ummm.. ok.

i'm like.. what the fuck ever weirdo.. and so of course.. he's going into the same parking lot as me.. and not only that.. he picks the spot that i usually take.. so i take one a few spaces down right. and i'm taking my time getting my shit together, purse, sweater, bag of chips that kc's mom asked me to bring in, you know.. essentials. well, i look up out of my windshield.. and the civic fucktard is standing out in front of his car and he's just watching me get my shit.. and by this point i've already lost my patience with the idiot because he made a fuckin' u turn from the far right lane.. honestly!! who taught this dimwit how to drive?! but i digress.. so.. i'm trying to make myself not give this guy the flaming bitch face from hell. but it's very difficult, because as i walk to the door, which is only like 20 feet away, he's fuckin' watching me the whole time!?! seriously, who is this creep?!
so right before i get into the building i turn slightly and give the motherfucker a scathing bitch face that says 'what the fuck are you looking at?!?' .. and shake my head and roll my eyes.. and so that kinda got me in a bad mood.. which i know.. is more pathetic on my part than on the creepo that was freakin' me the fuck out.. it could have been innocent.. it could have been nothing.. either way.. it kinda pissed me off.. and to that i say...


i feel better now. :)

and.. apologies for offending anyone with my crass language.. i feel the point of my peeve could not have been expressed fully without them.

JD.. Stop laughing.

explique por favor....

Mood: awake.. when i should be sleeping....

maybe you guys might not need it.. the handful of you that actually read my blog.. but i'll give it to you anyway..

my new header.. which i am in freakin' love with.. but really i change it so often.. i think i have committment issues... hehe.. get it.. yeah.. so anyway..

the line is from Billy Madison.. and i apologize for the hideous dog at the end of the clip.. i really don't know what some people are thinking.. awful..


hehe.. adam sandler is a genius.. i saw a commercial for Billy Madison a few weeks ago.. maybe a week ago.. and told jd.. I HAVE TO MAKE A HEADER OR SOMETHING OUT OF THAT LINE!!!!


then the search was on to find the right pictures... there were a few.. but i think this one was probably the best of the other headers i made.. i giggle at myself for not having a life.. it's just something i've come to terms with.

so yeah.. enjoy your day. :) i've been away since casey left for work at 315am.. and it's now almost 6.. which means i have to start snoozing through my alarms anyways.. i have to be at work in an hour and a half.. i'm undecided if i should lay in bed and try and catch a few minutes of sleep or if i should just get up and start the day... tough one... my bed is so warm.. i think i'm going to stay.. :P

ok bye..

friendship....

Mood: Nostalgic

just freakin' watch it.. and you'll cry and want to call all of your friends and tell them how much you love them!!

love you girls..

salutations...

Mood: full

so.. just typing an entry for the sake of typing.. you think that's lame.. but i really love typing. it's not as easy on an iphone, so i took some time away from constantly checking to see if stories have been updated and if there is anything new on the news front for twilight and their stars and endlessly checking my email, even though i never have anything new.

this is just a post of me rambling.. (but really what entry do i have that actually has purpose and isn't me rambling about one thing or another??) you know.. mental health and whatnot.. some psychology major i am, right??

they are doing inventory at costco, so casey has been working all kinds of odd hours and this week i've hardly had time to see him. he started this workout regimen called p90x or something and it's this crazy heavy duty workout for 90 minutes for 90 days .. and he started it on jan 1st.. i can already see a change.. which is just incredible and completely disgusting at the same time.. incredible because wow.. it's only been like 2 weeks and he's already losing whatever little chub he had.. and his arms are getting bigger.. and you know i love me some strong arms.. and really it's only disgusting because i have zero ambition to start the work out (or a fraction of the workout) myself. which is why casey will now be referred to as "the ripped guy with the big girl wife." affectionately, of course. there's no use in denying what i am.

no really.. i should try and do something instead of either reading on the internet or reading in a book.. both of which are great hobbies.. but both are obviously not physically strenuous.. unless you count my eyes going fuzzy every now and then.. i should wear my glasses more often.. anyway.. so yeah..

i leave you with this.. because stewie looking out of my car window is probably one of the ugliest/funniest things i've ever seen..

2008, see ya!

mood: thoughtful
music: the flaming lips - do you realize

so... it's been another year.. and it's had a lot of ups and plenty of downs.. we've lost and gained and with everything.. those of us left standing.. will go on.

the beginning of this year was surreal.. it seemed that everywhere i looked or turned someone's life was being lost.. i couldn't believe it. but it of course makes you put your own life into perspective.. tomorrow isn't promised. make sure the people you care about know how you feel. because it's your family, as in family and friends, those one that are left behind that must deal with unanswered questions.

but 2008 also brought a lot of joy.. my friends are seriously blessed.. marriages, kellianne and my sister, and babies, JD and danni.. their families are expanding and it's wonderful.. i wish you all the best in the new year..

bonds were strengthened.. mainly in part, thanks to twilight.. but it was just a catalyst.. i now have 4 friends who i am even closer with because of that book along with all the other interests that we have in common. so thank you twilight and thank you BCBers just for being you.. i love you girls..

casey and i came close to getting our own place.. but at the "2nd out of the ninth inning we called the game".. which in the long run is the best decision we could have possibly made. thankfully we're not being forced out of our place now. so our need for a new place isn't as dire as some.. we still have the luxury of waiting for the right opportunity.

oh casey.. the man of my life.. most of the time we are a steady stream.. but we have our moments where we are a raging torrent of waves. thankfully we mesh well enough that it blows over within a day.. if that. he told me something on sunday before our 'raging torrential silent argument' that pretty much made my year. and next year too, hopefully. we'll just have to see.

so.. i have to work tomorrow night and ring in the new year with a bunch of strangers again.. but thankfully casey will make his midnight appearance for my new year's smoocharoo..

i wish you all a wonderful and safe new years.. love you all..

how could i forget?!!?

Mood: good
Music: nada..

so.. i had kc read my blog about the celery/cilantro bit just to show him how insane i am.. and he ended up scrolling down and seeing my wolverine post.. he turns to me and says.. "what? no gerard butler?" i gasped.. i can't believe i forgot about my beloved scottish man!!! how dare i?!!?

so.. for my enjoyment more than yours.. :) a picture of the yummy gerard butler.. just because he's freakin' rough looking and that. is. sexy.



also for my amusement.. because as much as i liked his hair longer.. i really like it short.. :) especially with that freakin' scruff...



and on a side note.. flat boxes are really freakin awkward to carry.. that's all i'm saying..
ok.. bye!

you moved the tea!!!!