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so.. have you ever had one of those encounters where you just glance around and see someone and you think they're a person you might have known but it's been so long since you've seen them that they look completely unchanged and utterly different all at the same time.. well it happened to me today..

i think i "saw" a friend from high school who of course was in a grade ahead of me as all my close high school friends were except for casey.. well.. after she graduated she went on to san diego state and then ended up getting pregnant and having a baby boy.. we lost contact, which sucked because my junior year she became one of my closest friends.. she knew pretty much everything about me.. things i've only told like a handful of people.. and she told me things about herself as well, like how she felt when her parents divorced and what kinds of things she was going through with that.. we were confidantes and buddies.. she was one of the popular people.. the beautiful people.. but she still chose to be my friend.. which was cool.. not that i wanted to be popular by association.. i hate the spotlight.. it's not where i'm comfortable.. she took the glory, while i stood on the sidelines where i liked to be.. we still had a solid friendship.. we were the girl jocks.. we became friends the year before when i made the varsity basketball team as a sophomore.. but after high school once you graduate or when you're left behind in my case.. things change and life moves on.. i started dating casey and she went on with her life.. friendships strain.. we just kind of lost contact...

anyway.. so i went out shopping with casey's mom this morning and we went to the grocery store.. and as we're leaving, we're putting the crap in the back of her jeep.. i look over to the right.. for no real reason.. but i see this woman stepping out of her van.. and she smiles at me.. and the first thing i was thinking was.. "wow.. she looks a lot like natalie.. " and i was kind of just stuck.. something fell out of the jeep as i lifted the hitch and casey's mom was like '' wtf??" and i'm still stuck.. this is a friend that i have had minimal contact through throughout the last 8 years, a few phone calls every few years and in the beginning penpalling back and forth.. and i swear it's her.. but it doesn't look like her.. but it must be because it's her.. but she looks so different.. but she's got the same face.. and she smiled at me.. so she must have recognized me a little.. but i don't know.. it's just weird.. i wanted to shout out to her and ask if she was who i thought she was.. she had a thuggish sort of husband.. and that's how i remember him being described, and she has a son who was about the age he should be... but she also had a daughter.. and i vaguely remember hearing that she had another kid.. i couldn't remember if it was a boy or girl though..

but yeah.. she got her baby girl and her husband got her son.. and they started walking to the store... and i was still standing there.. blindly piling away groceries.. because i felt like i missed a chance to say something.. i should have said something.. a missed opportunity to reconnect with an old friend, even just to say "hi.. how are you?"

i don't know it's all very strange.. she was as close to me as kelly was at the time.. if not possibly closer.. and i couldn't even make the words come together to say hi.. it's weird.. i sat in the car while we drove the 5 minute drive back home and i kept thinking about high school. about the friends i had.. and about casey.. and then i realized.. casey is the only friend i have left from high school.. and that's only because i married him.. what if i hadn't gotten married to my high school sweetheart.. what if i were going back to my high school reunion in 3 years and didn't have anyone to reconnect with.. if it weren't for casey.. i would have more luck reconnecting with the 2000 class than my own..

but i don't really know what this post was about.. i just kinda wanted to get it off my chest because it was starting to plague me.. i should have at least said hi.. but besides the smile.. she didn't regard me either... so i could just let it go.. it might not have been her..

it made me miss the friends i have now..

i love you guys..