day two.... slow healing process

it's not fair. i know the stages of grief. i'm in the bargaining stage. at first i withdraw. i'll send casey away so that he can help comfort the rest of his family rather than comfort me. they need it more. he's being strong for them. he'll stay in the Anger phase of grief.

i'm still in shock. i can't fully grasp the fact. she can't be gone. she shouldn't be gone. it's not right that she's gone. i feel like i lost a blood relative.

her family had to make preparations. i can't even imagine how they are coping. she's the baby. she's not supposed to go first.

wednesday and thursday are going to be the hardest days. wednesday is the viewing and thursday is the mass. no burial though. she shouldn't be underground. they chose a blue urn for her.

i don't want to believe she's not going to be at any more of the family get togethers. the morale will be different. everything is going to be different. i'm gonna miss her.