bad day gone worse....

it'll be difficult to type out this post. i'm emotionally drained. when a family member dies it's such a helpless feeling for those left behind.

this morning i had a nightmare.. i had dreamt that a guy that looked like an even creepier Phillip Seymour Hoffmann was trying to kill my family. weird i know. but that's not even the bad part of the day.

i wake up, get ready for work and i'm there for about 3 hours when casey's mom gets a bunch of phone calls. of course she's not at her desk. so they keep calling back. i don't like to answer the phone, just because if it's a customer in all likeliness.. i wouldn't be able to answer the question they were asking. had i known what was happening on the other ends of those phone calls i would have picked up. casey's mom comes back to her desk and i tell her that she had a bunch of phone calls. and i'm still working. i have a huge shipment that i'm inputting. well.. i get a call from casey. and i don't think anything is wrong. and his voice.. oh my god.. his voice is panicked. i haven't heard his voice like that since the day he told me that his grandma had passed. talk about helpless.. i was 1600 miles away when that happened. well.. casey asked me what was going on, because he had gotten a call from his uncle. but couldn't understand what was going on because he was at work and his uncle was hysterical. and i realize that casey's mom is on the phone also panicked. i realize that it's Lindsey. casey's cousin. she's 19. she went to sleep last night and didn't wake up this morning. i call casey back right away to let him know what was happening. casey's mom had just walked off. she was in shock. and i think we're all still pretty shocked at the moment. she's the youngest out of all of them. devastating. they had tried over an hour to revive her. but they couldn't save her.

i drove casey's mom back home because there was no way i was going to let her drive. then casey drove me back to work to pick up my car because i had a full tank of gas and then we went separately over to antioch to meet up at the hospital. i was pretty numb on the drive. i can't grasp the idea that i'll be going to that house and lindsey won't be there. ever since i met her when casey and i first started going out, she was always so nice. so welcoming. now this family had been torn apart. their baby girl isn't there anymore. only 19 years old.

casey and i got the hospital at the same time that they were leaving. so we followed them to their house. i can't even imagine that drive home. without lindsey. Al and Denise, lindsey's parents, just kept sobbing. Travis her brother was a wreck. no one can believe that it's real.

casey... solid as a rock, he doesn't break down like the rest of us. he stays strong. for everyone. he checked on me a few times, but i kept telling him not to worry about me. he needed to tend to his family. he sat up in lindsey's room for at least 2 hours.

the hysteria will subside for a few moments, then someone else will come in to pay respects or something will be said that will just trigger the flood of emotions.

it puts life into perspective. so quickly it can be taken away.

i love you girls with all my heart. please keep casey's family in your thoughts.