Revelatory.

Mood: fucking bored
Music: whack ass tunes. Please. Ear plugs.

The more you push me the more I'll pull back. I realized this he other
day when someone I know kept somewhat forcing their help on me. If
that's what they're doing, for some reason, and it's weird that I can
actually feel myself do it. I emotionally cut myself off from that
person for awhile. I become short and I purposely give clipped answers
don't ask my why i do it. i'm a psych major and i can't figure it out
myself.

And it's not even that I was pissed that they were offering to help.
It was more that I kind of pride myself on being fiercely independent.
I don't usually like to depend on people for things. When I have to,
it's usually forced by myself because I just need to get over my
neurosis. But it takes a lot.

And then like when I really needed the help, like with the condo. They
kept asking me, well when should we come over? and when can we help?
These are questions I can't answer. I am awful at delegation. Telling
people what to do for me is something I'm not good at. Not that I
don't think them capable of getting the job done, an it's not I can't
pass over control. I don't really like control. It makes me anxious.
But for my wedding for example. I ended up doing a lot of the stuff
mostly bc I couldn't tell people what to do. It's a character flaw
that I dislike in myself.

Meh... Anyways.. I'm at work. And I've been here since 330. Even
though I didn't need to even get there until 5. Bah!! I've been bored
all day. They have a keg that I'm pouring and they're still not
drinking. This is ridiculousness. I only have about a year or so left
on paying off my car. Now then, if only I wasn't working for my mom,
it'd be easier to quit after that.

Meh... I also hate when people bring their own alcohol. It pisses me
off so fucking much.

Val from IPhonezy
You moved the tea!!!!!!

i need to fuckin' rant.

Mood: so motherfuckin' irritated
Music: the guys are changing our carpet.

ok.. let me start by saying.. casey.. i am not attacking you. just in case you feel that this post is about you.. it is not.

this has been one hell of a fuckin' week. and i apologize in advance for all the swearing, because i just can't contain myself right now and i feel like setting something on fire.

so, we moved into this condo. it's not new, but it is ours.. and we're making it ours. the carpet was fuckin' disgusting. it gave stewie fuckin' rashes all over his body. i wanted to cry for him. he's getting better but he's still scratching. it's so disgusting. when they started pulling the carpet up just now, all i could see was a fuckin' dust cloud of disgustingness entering the rest of the condo.. and my lungs.. so i opened the sliding door.. which is fuckin' broken. and a fuckin' fly flies in..

we got our sliding door and upstairs window changed out because the other frames were crap. the new ones look fuckin' sick! they're pretty. it changed the whole look of the place, actually. but.. they're just for decoration.. because the fuckin' sliding door won't keep anyone out.. it doesn't fuckin' lock. we noticed it last weekend. when i tried to lock it and the fuckin' thing just kept sliding open. it doesn't latch properly or whatever. so all week i've been calling the fuckin' jack mother fuckin' ass hole who owns the company that put them in about a month ago to send someone out to take a look at it.. and fuckin' fix it.. because essentially.. my fuckin' home is open all day, and things are just out there for the taking. i'm so fuckin' pissed. I want to fuckin' kick his mother fuckin' eye balls. He's such a fuckin' condescending piece of shit. i've called every day this week trying to get him to send someone. but i want him to call me before someone gets there, so that i have someone in my home while there are workers there. that makes sense, right?? well apparently not to this mother fucker. finally after taking, pretty much the entire day off of work yesterday because JackFuck was being incredibly vague on when someone would be able to come out and work on the door, i went home at 930.. i only worked 2 hours..

so 530 rolls around and i've been fuming for the better part of the day considering that JackFuck said someone would be there in the morning to look at it..

well guess the fuck what.. no one fuckin' came. so i call him again.. and he says ok he'll be there to look at it personally. he said he'd be there in an hour. i knew exactly what would happen. two motherfucking hours later.. the fuckin' asshole shows up to look at it.. i knew he going to just assess and then tell me he was going to send someone again the next morning.. like i believe the mother fucker. i just shrug my shoulders and shake my head a little like "sure i fuckin' believe you.. you've told me nothing but bullshit all damn week." he half assed apologized for someone not being able to come out and fix the door. and again i shrugged my shoulders like.. "you fuckin' suck at life.. just send someone and stop talking to me." and he has the nerve to tell me earlier this week that i should tell my friends about him because he'll give me a cash recommendation.. what the fuck ever.. like i want anyone in this fuckin' state to use you as a window contractor.. your fuckin' customer service is shittier than the fuckin' sewer system and you want me to send my friends to you.. he may not have face to save.. but i sure wouldn't put anyone else through this fuckin' hassle. especially not my friends..

so finally this morning, i call again and he knows who i am by now, the motherfucker. well i tell him that i still want someone to call me before the tech gets there so someone can be there while he works. and he said "whatever." "whatever?! that's how i feel." pause. "you need to call me before someone goes over there because i don't want someone in my house while i'm not there." "if they bother something i'll break their neck. i'm 240 lbs." what the fuck?! is he serious?? i don't give a fuck what you do to them after the fact. I DO NOT WANT SOMEONE IN THERE IF I'M NOT THERE. Jesus! is that difficult to understand? apparently for him it is. and he still never called.. and the carpet guys showed up and i'm still at work, so i had to take off of work to come here and there happens to be some workers from the JackFuckTard's company working on some windows down the walk way.. so i call up JackFuck himself and he tells me to ask one of those guys to help fix it.. So fuckin' easy, right?!? the worker came and fixed the panel in like 3 minutes.. you don't even understand how badly i want to swing a fuckin' bat at something right now.

and on top of that.. our tv downstairs broke, the motherboard or something blew out.. the tech for that is coming out tomorrow.. my dad and his friend are stopping by, any fuckin' minute now, i mean fuck, burger king really is only down the street.. what's taking them so fuckin' long?! they're going to look at the lighting, because we have a ceiling fan, track lighting and a vanity that need to go up... fuck this shit is getting out of fuckin' hand..

i really need to go to the batting cages or something.. or take up kenpo again and fuckin' kill a kick boxing bag..

new obsessions call for new blog headers

music: field of dreams just started..
mood: anxious

dear journal,
feeling listless again today..

haha.. no i'm totally kidding.. if you've seen glee from last week.. you might find that funny.. anyway..

so.. lots of new things going on with valerie and casey. we just moved into our own condo! which is exciting. and intimidating. but mostly a lot of fun. but we just started out so, we'll see in a few months if we're still going strong, both financially and maritally. :P just kidding babe...

so.. we moved.. and we're still finishing up unpacking and i need to retouch paint here and there but it's looking hundreds times better than it did when we first started cleaning it up in the beginning of august. yes.. we've had the keys since about mid august and it took me and a team of highly motivated family members to help make it presentable. i'm deeply grateful.. they have no idea how much.

we also have a new obsession.. my new banner for example.. it's Glee!!!!! every wednesday and pretty much everyday in between i somehow have a glee fix.. it's such a fun show and the music is fantastic and the cast is sexy and they're all talented and it's just a lot of fun to watch.. plus.. you can never have too many one liners! jane lynch is a comedic genius.. she's evil and insane and it's wonderful.

so... i guess that wasn't that much that's been going on.. but i just wanted to show off a new banner.. :P

kthxbye..