it's a scary thing...

to be left alone with your thoughts.

have you ever just stood in the shower and kind of just let the water flow over you. and with the rush of water come these thoughts. all kinds of thoughts. thoughts and memories.

last night there was a concert, a benefit concert for casey's cousin. it was very sweet. i think it was more closure for her friends than for her family who, looking at them and talking with casey's mom you could just tell were almost tortured by the whole event. it's torture everyday for them. but to have all of her friends, gathered once again in honor of lindsey. it's heartbreaking. the bands were made of up her friends and people that she had known. there were six acts. it was tough.. not only because of course the music is like heavy rock, almost metal-ish.. but to be there for her.. instead of with her.. it's still hard to take in.

at things like that, or anything that might trigger something, you start to think and remember. thoughts and memories that you had buried since. i come off as stern about the situation. i've gotten that from casey. but if i really let myself fall into the realization that she's gone and we'll never see her again its just painful. and i don't really want to bring anyone else's spirits down, so i'll detract from the crowds and i'll sit away from the noise. and there i am again.. left with my thoughts... alone.

i guess, in some ways, it relieves me to believe that's better, happier. i never saw them as "visits". but i dreamt about her a few weeks ago and casey's dreamt about her a few times and her brother travis has gotten "visits" at least once a week for about a month now. in every one of them, all different situations and locations... she never says a thing. she's just smiling. happy as can be. it's comforting...

we all miss her.

i'll do a survey!!

i think i'm one of the friends that only blogs when there is a survey to do! :)

i promise.. i'll blog for real.. soon.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Punky Three, i took the name of a pet that i got to keep more than just a few weeks.. it could be worse.. remember i had a rabbit named Feces.

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): coffee chuck

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal): blue tiger

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Claire S. Francisco, i'd be a slut!

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): GalVa

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Black Crush - now that is pretty sexy..

7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): Ponciano Sydney

8. STRIPPER NAME ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Attraction K Kat

9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Brown Burlingame

10. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Autumn Lily

11. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): JD-- we could have had the same cartoon name... Orange Slippers

12. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Nada Orange .... <--- Odd...

Good times JD.. Thank you.